Where does emotional intelligence, or EQ, come from?
There are two elements of emotional intelligence (also called EQ, or EI): first, an awareness of your own emotions. The second aspect of emotional intelligence is recognizing and influencing the emotions of others. The operative word here is recognition: what is it that you see, when you consider your own emotional state, as well as the state of those around you?
Over the last six months, I’ve been on a personal journey to explore the nature of our own internal emotions, and the way we process the world around us. Before we can identify behaviors in others (having EQ), and influence those behaviors, we have to have an awareness of how we view the world from our own personal perspective. My journey took me to Los Angeles, to Venice Beach, where a group of 33 intrepid explorers gathered for an exploration into the nature of our emotional life, our understanding of the world around us, and a perspective on the way things work for all human beings.
The exploration began as a search for expert coaching strategies, and the discoveries added new levels to my impact as a coach – and to my own personal EI. Over the years, I’ve coached clients onto Shark Tank, Dragon’s Den in Canada and even Shark Tank – Australia. I’ve helped raise over $50 Million for new business ventures, creating hundreds of jobs and launching over five dozen businesses. But the fact remains that I wasn’t always sure where these results were coming from. I knew I wasn’t magic, and I certainly wasn’t a guru. But I saw something that others didn’t, and somehow exposed my clients to a level of emotional intelligence that was previously hidden.
How did I do it?
How did I shift my clients perspective toward emotional intelligence? And how did I help people to have seven-figure conversations on a regular basis?
The shift begins when you understand the importance of the empty chair. Check out the video to learn more.
Emotional intelligence is about a shift in perspective. First, a perspective that looks inside:
- What are you feeling right now?
- Why? Where is that feeling coming from?
- What are the people around you feeling, right now? And where are those feelings coming from?
It’s easy to think that your personal feelings are coming from outside circumstances.
- The budget.
- The lack of a budget.
But my journey of discovery showed me something I hadn’t expected. Your feelings don’t come from our circumstances, and neither do mine.
Learn more about emotional intelligence, and the process that’s driving your performance. Find greater ease in the most difficult circumstances, and rethink what stress really means.
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Need proof? Consider these questions:
- How big is a problem when you’re not thinking about it?
- Have you ever been extremely busy and not felt stressed?
- Have you ever been mildly busy, and felt a lot of stress?
- Have you ever thought that acquiring something (a promotion, a better car, more money, a cuter girlfriend) would make you feel a certain way (happy, satisfied, whatever) and then…it doesn’t?
- Does your husband piss you off sometimes? Or do you love him, always? Or both?
People are who they are. Just as circumstances are what they are. What changes is our thought in the moment. The way we think about a thing colors the way we feel about a thing. Our thinking is what colors our feeling, every time.
If you want to explore true emotional intelligence, consider looking at the source of your emotions. What you feel isn’t based on your circumstances, your workload, your relationships or your car.
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We don’t work from the outside in. Emotional intelligence points in this direction: we experience life from the inside out. Your thinking is what creates your experience.
That’s true for the people around you. Want to expand your emotional intelligence (EQ) and influence the people that matter most? Consider the empty chair.
And remember: what you think about is what creates your reality.
“Stress” isn’t a workload, or a boss, or a flaky partner.
It’s what you made up, in your mind, about your situation.
And if you made it up, you can change it.
That’s an intelligent choice, and it doesn’t involve a mantra or six-step motivational plan.
Funny how smarter decisions are never more than one thought away.
All it requires is that you recognize your thinking for what it is. Just a thought.
And like all thought, it’s fleeting. Thoughts come and go. Sometimes thoughts show up again – but you decide whether or not to engage with that thought, don’t you?
You know this: thought creates your world. You are feeling your thinking, not your situation. Look inside for an example: You have felt crazy stressed, then strangely calm, about a situation…even though the situation hasn’t necessarily changed!
Why does stress come and go, even when circumstances haven’t necessarily changed?
To answer that question, look at your thinking…and you might just discover the true source of emotional intelligence!