The Elevator Speech and the Dating Game

Home / Chris Westfall / The Elevator Speech and the Dating Game

Share with:


The elevator speech is a great way to introduce yourself to someone you’d like to know better.

But don’t try this at home, or anywhere else:  A dozen of the absolute worst pick-up lines of all time. Here are the most spectacular relationship-stoppers, from my new book, Five Great New Elevator Pitches.

Five Great New Elevator Pitches by Chris WestfallAs part of my research for my new book, I investigated how people connect once they’ve met on an online dating site (check out the 12 Most Popular Dating Sites). You only have one chance to make a first impression – even if you don’t really do impressions.

You can use your elevator pitch to get beyond your online profile… but not if you open with one of these.

Picture yourself in a social setting, and you’d like to meet someone of the opposite sex – or, perhaps a player from the same team. Have you ever been the victim of one of these show-stoppers? If any of these sound familiar, please: get help immediately. The most disarming pickup lines, ever:

1. Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
Try to remember that you shouldn’t open with this one. Didn’t I see this scene on “Days of Our Lives”?

2. I’m feeling kind of insecure right now. Could I have a hug?
Double Jeopardy: open with your insecurity, follow it with a request for unwanted touching. Outstanding!

3. Excuse me, but I’m new in town, can I have directions to your place?
A great way to indicate that you are totally lost. A great follow-up to this one: “I just arrived with the carnival, and…”

4. I may not be the best looking guy [woman] in here, but hey, I’m the only one talking to you.
Attempting to kill them with compliments? Better get some new ammunition. Goes well with, “I don’t really want to talk to you, but my parole officer says I need to meet new people.”

5. I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl [handsome guy] smile. So, would you smile for me?
Hey, this one just might work – you could get a smile before you get dating Fail Whale. Nice!

6. Excuse me. Can I borrow your cell? It is an emergency. My mom told me to give her a call the first time I fell in love.
Triple threat here: (1) blurting (2) introducing your mommy issues (3) double-ridiculous setup: you really don’t have your own cell phone?

7. Can I get your picture to prove to all my friends that angels really do exist?
Swing, and a miss.

8. Do you have a GPS on your phone? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.
What’s with always trying to borrow a cell phone? Where and how does that work, exactly?

9. Does your watch have a second hand? I want to know how long it took for me to fall in love with you.
Hopefully it’s faster than the drink that’s coming right towards your face.

10. I think I need to call heaven because they’ve lost one of their angels.
And the follow up to this one is, “Can I borrow your cell…again?” Call your mom, call Jesus, call somebody, because this just isn’t going to end well.

11. You look like my first wife. And I’ve never been married.
The Killshot: talk about marriage in the first 9 seconds.

12. Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
But wait a minute – I thought you said you didn’t have a cell phone?

People want to connect now more than ever, but it’s not easy! Embarassing tweets and sexting are just a couple of ways to quickly shred your dignity. Have you ever delivered a message to a prospective partner that died before it arrived? Or, have you received a one-liner so lame that you still can’t believe it? Comments (and courage!) below…

Photo from Miss A Liss, used under creative commons.  Some rights reserved. Originally published on, with special thanks to Guy Kawasaki for the re-post on his page when it was originally published.

Share with:


Related Posts
TV Interview With BorisThe Empty Chair